Looking ahead

Academic year is coming to an end. Time to look ahead nd plan ma vacation -aight first pass ma exams in August/September though-.

Nd da destination will be ... * drum roll*... NEW YORK CITY!!! Am so ready for it already! Need so much stuff! iPhone, MacBook, Manolo's, Sean John perfume, ... Too much to mention! A week will be too short nd ma suitcase too small! lOl! Cant barely wait! So guys if you are young, black, single nd ready to mingle, holla at me! Haha!

Gotta bounce.

Peace!

One mo' chance...

Dis is a note going out to sumone. Dont need to drop names, you know yourself well. You got me feeling bad for a while, but dont owe yourself too much credits cus I got a lil sumthang for you.

Ooh, baby give me one mo' chance
I dont think so

Wont you please let me.....
No way nigga!!!!!!

Look whos back in front of ma door
Early in da mornin’, blowin’ his horn nd
Ringin’ ma bell like a psychopath
Nd bet he wont give up until I open dat door no sweat
He wants me back
At least dats what he told me
Give a sister hope?
Ur jokin?!
I broke free from all da misery you caused me
Asking me to give you one more chance?
No way Nigga!!!
You had me once you lost me twice
Once when we finished up nd once which is now
So face it
Save your breath for da next one
Boys will be boys so let bygones be bygones
Open your eyes I strongly suggest you realize
Nd stop your threats cause dats not wise
You told me to be hard so practice what you preach
Cause all I can see is a sorry nigga on his knees.

Ooh, baby give me one mo' chance
I don’t think so

Wont you please let me.....
No way nigga!!!!!!

You shoulda treated me da way ya supposed to
Instead of treating me like a bitch
Nd poppin dat ol' dog shit
Little girls grow up dont cha know?
Da things you did for me....
Dont even start bro
I wished ma mama told me life is like a box of chocolate
At least I wouldve been more precautious
Cause its a fact you never know whatcha gonna get
What I got was two years of ma life in a penitentiary
Nd you being my guard
Dont do dis dont do dat
Step da fuck back
Nd let me live ma life da way I wantsta
With who I wantsta
one things for sure nigga
It wont be you I think you betta recognize
Fool!!!
You told me to be hard
So practice what you preach
Cause all I can see is a sorry nigga on his knees...

Am ova you. You dont controle ma life nor ma emotions any longa. Am free!

Stages of grief...

I once swore I would neva shed a tear for a guy... Sumone should have reminded me of dat... Dis is ma story. Note to ma readers: am not saying when dis has happened. No dates nor years...

It all started when I met a guy. We started talking nd we got along great. He is a English lawyer, turned 36 today, own solicitors office,... But we could talk about ev'rythang. It was so easy to talk to him. Neva needed to explain thangs cause he knew what I was talkin bout. But he also made me realise dat I dont want to be a "lawyer". But now am getting off-topic. Da big mistake is dis: I knew he broke up with his ex not so long ago. During our convos I always had da impression he wasnt ova her. He said was so I believed him... Nd I was even so stupid to fall for him - I thought I learned ma lessons... -. We had an amazing time togetha... But still, in da back of ma mind, I was afraid. What if da ex came back??? He gave me clear hints dat I had nuffin to fear. I was da one in his thoughts. Oh boy, I was wrong! Sum days ago his ex found out bout me nd him... Snappin her fingers nd he went back to her. I was thanked for ma services... Nd I? Well once again I went to da stages of grief...

1. Denial: Dis aint happening. Its just a bad dream nd am going to wake up now. Am pincing maself... Am not yet awake cause am still feeling da pain. Its only a dream...
2. Anger: He is such an asshole nd used me. He was a broken guy who was hiding in work nd I was da best way to escape. I came in handy. A toy to play with while she was gone.
3. Bargaining: Lemme get ma law degree as soon as possible so I can beat his lame ass in court. If I cant have him, than I can at least rule da scepter in his court room!
4. Depression: Why didnt he choose for me? Why could have had such a beautiful future? Why, why, why???
5. Acceptance: One guy lost... Gained many mo'! Getting back with your ex mostly doesnt guarantee a happy ending - on the contrary! - so might be anotha sorry n**** on his knees when he realises da ex aint da one afta all nd I? I am soooo out of reach for him! His loss... Aint mines!

Looking back at dis... Its anotha lesson learnt. Never regret thangs but dis I should have seen coming... All da singns were dere...

Ma biggest problem is dat my heart as taken over da past few years. Ma brains used to be in charge nd I wouldnt even thought about getting maself involved into sumthang like dis. But like two years ago ma heart took over. Nd it went from bad to even more bad! I was getting maself into thangs dat were guaranteed to end up bad... Nd I HATE IT. I wanna get ma old swing back. Living life according to your emotions is da worst life sumone can have. It causes pain. Being da ice cold bitch as I was before never caused any pain. I didnt have feelings at all. Plus its proven dat luv makes people dumber... Am da living prove of it! So not having any emotions is only a win-win situation: aint getting hurt plus good grades!

Aight otha subject cause he doesnt deserve dis much credits. Sum new songs: Mercy by Duffy. She reminds me of da - white - soul singas of da 60s/70s like Dusty Springfield. Havent heart her complete album but planning to do so soon. Am kinda dissapointed in Mariah Careys new album. I found her previous one betta. Madonna. Ok I gotta admit it: she re-invents herself ev'ry album but afta hearing Hard Candy, da hype around it is over rated. It is maybe her best album but da media turned it into da best album eva... Well it aint. She is - to me - just joining da Timbaland hype. Found him much betta when he was Ginuwines produca - What happened to him btw? Only thang I heard about lately was da TGT project... -. Ne-Yo's Go On Girl is nice too. I luv da part when he sings "I was inviting her into ma heart but she was out riding in sum otha mans car". Belgian rappa/singa Leki got a catchy new song too. Its da new intro of Prison Break nd I luv it. Been humming it on ma way home from da station. Sterio on full powa nd sing along. Car was trembling on da ground from da beats but damn I didnt care lol. If ya got 6 woofers, you betta use 'em! lOl.

Gon wrap it up for today cause ER is gin start soon. - Da 100th time dey replay 'em episodes but I only watched em 99 times so I just gotta watch! I owe dat to maself! LMAO -

Ova nd out. Peace.

Hip Hop saved ma life

Hip hop truly is ma hubbie. All through da day, I think of him. All through da night, I think of him. I keep ma headphones, ma pen nd my pad next to ma pillow just in case sumthang pops in ma head. But I've been in a jealous rage during dis marriage. Jealous of dose dat have been given more opportunities, jealous of dose dat are better dan me, jealous of dose dat are more accepted dan me.

Today I have realized dat dere is no need to be jealous. Hip hop & I will forever be connected nd no one can break dat bond. It is de purest nd realest form of love I have ever experienced. I would give up anythang nd ev'rythang for hip hop nd dats da truth. I would give up wealth, family, education, ... if dats what I needed to do to be with hip hop.

It may sound crazy but I guess you have to be insane to get married in da first place.

So dear Hip Hop, I take you for ma lawful husband, to have nd to hold, from dis day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness nd health, until death do us part.

One thang leads to anotha

Whats happenin ma sweetiepies? Talking about pies, can sumone pass me one with lots of whipped cream? lOl. Oh yh I know its a strange tittle but it will all become clear lata on...

Rwanda, April 6th, 1994. Exactly 14 years ago da plane from da Rwandan president was shot nd da genocide started. 800.000 people lost dere lifes in dis tragidy. R.I.P

Dis also made me think bout ma ex (who was Congolese-Rwandan). 8 months about his lame way of breaking up I realised sumthang. I dont luv dat guy nd never loved him. Da person who I luved wasnt him. It were his lies I felt in luv with. He always pretended to be sumone he was not. Nd dis came clear about a week ago. Neva knew dat guy was such a pathetic loser. So low, raunchy nd boorish. Took me more dan 2 years to figure dat out, but betta late den neva *Slapping myself to da head*.

I so need to go shopping! I need a dress! Neva thought I would even pronounce da word D-R-E-S-S! lOl. Everyone who knows me, knows I hate dresses... Still I need one. Looking for an empire model with a colourfull print -not kitchy- just above da knee... So far nothang! Da ones I saw were hideous. Except for two... One was a short red chiffon dress nd da otha was a crème coloured one. Luved 'em. But dey were a lil bit too expensive for a dress... So means I gotta continue searchin...

Talk to y'all next time

Back again

Vacation almost done *snif*. Yh well almost... No classes befo' Wednesday evenin. Vacation been pretty aight. Said to maself I would study ev'ry day... Well not really done dat, not proud of dat though.

Seeing stars in front of ma eyes at da moment. Bumped ma head to da kicthen door last monday nd ever since I got a huge head ache nd see lil dots in front of ma eyes. Plus got a huge bump!

Was plannin to go see soccer training tomorrow but cant seem to find a victim to go with me. Aint fun to go alone! Much more fun when you are with two! Dat way you can rate 'em. lOl! Plus its so cold nd rainy. Not much chance dey will train shirtless I guess...

Been in a discussion with mommie today. She asked me to put some music on her pc nd she gave me da cd she borrowed from a friend. I saw da track Rappers Delight by The Sugarhill Gang was on it. I was like "Wtf?!... Did I read dat correctly???". So I asked mom if she wanted dat song. She said "Yh nd see I told you: good music comes from da 70s." I was like yh sure so I put on da track nd she was like "put da crap off" nd I was all smiling "Good music comes from da 70s mom!". Den she started da discussion dat it was not a hip hop track cause dey didnt make "black monkey music" as she calls ma music. Got a bit agitated! Rappers Delight is like one da first hip hop records ever! Its da classic of da classics!

Nd now I gonna call some more victims to see if dey are up for some soccer training. Checking out 'em back musculed legs. *GRIN*